Two months ago, I made a conscious decision to change many small things about myself. I say small things, because I've spent the last 7 or 8 years addressing and correcting big $hit. This decision stems back to January when I experienced an abrupt halt in my love life. It left me unable and unwilling to date again until I worked out some overlooked deep rooted limiting beliefs and thoughts wrapped around commitment and relationships. One thing about being single outside of your 20's is you get asked all types of questions as to why you are "the way you are." As if there's something wrong with you because you've chosen to remain single until finding 'the one' or God-forbid you just don't want to get married. Ever. Surely the only reason why that could be a reason are connected to all your flaws, as if once you say 'I do' one magically becomes free and flawless. (I know otherwise, but this is how other people tend to make me and my other single friends feel.)
In this I have learned people respect freedom of choice until you choose a route they don't understand or agree with. I choose not to be married for many reasons, but also connected to the decision is the word 'until'. As in I choose not to get married until certain things go down, are discussed in full and agreed upon or else I'd feel like I was settling...but considering my behavior threw my own self for a loop I figured now was a good time to double check none of the reasons I haven't been offered a walk down the aisle was due to me being an undesirable companion. I'd hate for someone to feel like they settled with meeeee. *Gasp*
Turns out I am partially crazy. (Yikes.) Good news about the word crazy is it has multiple definitions. One means not mentally sound and filled with flaws/cracks, the other means filled with excitement. I learned I still had a solid mix of both, with the excitement portion making a very strong comeback. Still, looking back, it was best to walk this section of life out single as a dollar bill. Love sometimes works best from a distance. It also always wins.
What I have learned over the past 6 months has been crucial to the rest of my life being the best of my life, whether single or participating in full-blown polygamy. A powerful shift in awareness and perception has served my mental health well, along with re-membering as much as I love people and socializing, human beings are far too emotional for me to place such a huge dependence on anybody to be an immediate choice or full source for my own happiness. I have seen and experienced too much 'love' and relationships based on conditions and fickle moods for me to keep that alive. The Universe and Nature have never failed me. Add a hell of a lot of re-learned and practiced self-love to the above mix and BOOM: miracles have room to take root in spaces that have not been watered in what feels like ages.
One of the 'small' things I decided to change was my relationship with time. I was somewhere between predicting events down to the second while also some days feeling like I invented procrastination. To bridge the gap, I ended up buying a book titled "What's Eating Up Your Time? The Full 24" by JR Rivera. He has helped people defeat procrastination and become more aware of how we spend our time. The book rekindled my relationship with time for sure while also changing my mindset about it. I was able to easily and honestly track what I was doing with mySelf and time while encouraged to appreciate it and redirect any misuse of it. Even when I was disappointed in my discoveries, the book kept me excited to make the necessary shifts that come with change. I highly recommend it to anyone, especially since it does not take months to read or put to use. Imagine that. :)
Fast forward to the very end of June, trying to plan my July. After all was read and done, two things I was sure of were #1: I was sick of my own BS and deeply desired an entire Life Upgrade. Desired AND deserved it...and I knew it. I grew tired of only deep down knowing it and not letting my full/true self float to the surface because I did not have all the answers or resources to do so. I decided I would begin IMMEDIATELY because the second thing I am sure of is that procrastination kills any momentum. If you take one step into your greatness, then wait until the next moment of greatness arrives, procrastination swoops in and makes you take several steps backward. Not to mention steals the power of your thunderous victories. It's the ultimate dream crusher. Procrastination and fear go hand in hand. Least for me. With all this focus on crushing fears and ridding of false stories I've been telling myself or been fed by others, the only option to bridge the gaps between where I am now and where I want to be IN FULL is to grow the F**K up. That phrase was about to go smack dab on my vision board but something about it felt false. As if mental shifts and things I have been working on were not connected to growing up. Believing that would be an example of living my life and image of success through someone else's eyes and thoughts. Self-love, mastery and constant awareness are fundamental to any successes I attain and hold on to in ANY area. I've dedicated my entire life to learning, exploring and made full-blown conscious decisions to level up no matter what. It's a ongoing and humbling experience, but totally worth it. That's what a decided heart is all about! So instead of saying grow up, I choose to say "Glow The F**K Up." That way I can celebrate past successes while stepping into a different level of life with the emphasis and urgency it needs. I just sort of woke up one day shouting, "I don't wanna do this same $hit anymore...not vibrating at this frequency. My peace will be wide open to compromise and attack when it DOES NOT HAVE TO BE. All I need to do is level up." The cussing serves as a reminder my peace is not up for debate, negotiation or to be swallowed whole by fear/procrastination ever again. I have found my happy, embraced my good crazy and can assist with helping others find and walk in theirs!
So if there's any area of life where the thought of having to play pretend for another day taunts your identity, or remaining idle scares the $hit outta you more than pursuing your passions and crushing goals & you want in on all this glowing up goodness, feel free to join me! Or maybe you have no idea what you want or need next, you just know you're playing it safe and not kicking butt as often as you'd like or at your Highest Self. Perhaps you're already vibrating super high and steady glowin' and simply looking for more like-minded people. Whatever space you're in, stick around for stories, videos and whatever else appears! There's a lot going on in my brain since this is an entire lifelong mood...I'll be here with open arms no matter what your heart decides. ;)
The Smitten Chef
P.S. I find it nothing short of serendipitous that immediately after deciding to write this blog I went on Facebook to see what happened "On this Day." Here's what showed up:
*Four years ago my friend posted a picture of her fortune cookie which read, "Now is a good time to try something new."*
*Six years ago today, my morning post said, "Decisions, Decisions."
*Seven years ago today, my niece fell off her bike. Hard. I asked her how she felt and what she wanted to do next. She went on to talk about how failing was not fun, but she loved riding her bike more than the falling...the only way to ride again would be to try again. All she wanted was a band-aid, some time and a piece of chocolate. Her 7 year old sincerity and logic brought every adult in the room that day to tears.*
*Eight years ago I posted, "There's a critic lurking behind every door you open; no need to be alarmed, they're there for good measure...focus on the fact you got the door opened."
*Nine years ago I posted, "If we could take our limitlessness as children but add our experience and wisdom as adults we'd all be the people we are originally called to be."*
How's THAT for timing?!? The Universe responds as fast and we allow It.
Be Well My Friends!